Connecting Intentionally

I've been thinking about New Years resolutions or goals or whatever you want to call them. My friend picks a word for her year. This year she chose intentional. I really liked that. Mine has been connection for a few months and I want to carry it into the new year. But I want to connect intentionally. Not that I'm going to make it happen, but that I put for the effort. I won't have a connection every person I meet. That would be ridiculous. There are people in my life that I won't connect with. People who are actually close to me. It's okay. But there are people, that if I were more intentional, I could connect with.
One of my goals for the new year is learning to ask better questions. My husband always asks me a million questions about my conversations with my sister or my mom or my friend and for the most part I answer, "I don't know". Because I didn't ask. I didn't even think to ask. It's not because I was uninterested, I just really didn't think of it. And I want to change that.
I am moving to a new town this next year. A small town. Like really small. Less than 1000 people small. That's small even for me growing up in a small Idaho town. I worry about feeling connected. I won't be close to my friends or family. I am not one to be outgoing and meet people. I'm not one to initiate things. But I'm going to work really hard to be brave. To step outside my comfort zone. To look for those people who are also looking for a connection too.

I've been listening to a book about connection and in it he talks about how we won't connect with everyone we try to connect with, but it's better to try and fail than not to try at all. If you don't try, you don't have a connection. If you do try, you still might end up without a connect, but you also might find a connection that lifts your soul and fills your heart. And that is worth it.

Be Brave.

8 non-religious spiritual goals

We are in a weird place with our kids. They live with their non religious mom and anti religious step father. We are pretty religious people in our home. We are trying very hard not to push religion on them, since they've expressed they don't have an interest in it (12 and 15, not really surprising). We go to church every Sunday and I think they've resigned themselves to going, since they are rarely here so it's "not that bad" for one Sunday every so often.

Whether you're religious or not, your spiritual health is still very important. Here are 8 ideas for how to care for your spirit without religion. I think your spiritual health is directly linked to your mental health. Heaven knows mental illness is on the rise. While I don't think these will cure any illness you may or may not have, I do believe they will help you be happier and avoid some of the things that can contribute to declined mental health.

1. Write in your journal
2. Read or listen to uplifting literature
• Chicken soup for the soul
• TED talks
• Self help book or podcast (7 habits of highly effective teens)
3. Meditate
4. Learn a new coping skill and put it into practice
5. Put your phone in airplane mode every night at 10pm
6. Start a gratitude journal
7. Stay off social media one day a week
8. Make your bed every day (this is why you should)

Connecting in the car

We are taking the kids to see our new house Thursday. It's under construction and they haven't seen it yet since they live so far away. I was thinking of ways to connect (my constant thing now) and thought about questions that would be good in the car. I wanted to stay with positive things and avoid questions that could lead to hurt feelings (however unintentional that might be. No repeats of Thanksgiving). Car rides are a great place to talk and connect with your family (or friends). They can't escape! *insert maniacal laugh* I learned it from a book, it's less confrontational and they are more likely to open up because you aren't face to face. They are either next to you or behind you taking away some of the anxiety and helping them let their guard down. We'll see how well it goes.

Questions I've come up with
 - What was your favorite gift you GAVE this year and why? probably a Christmas gift, could be something else
-What's something you're looking forward to in 2020? remember this and ask about it later
-Who is someone you admire and why?
-Best thing you DID for someone else this year?
-What is something you learned to do this year?
-What is something you would like to learn in 2020? take notes on this one, use it
-When did you laugh the hardest this year?
-Where is your favorite place you visited this year?
-Where would you like to visit in 2020? This might be the same as what you're looking forward to in 2020, but it could be different. Worth asking.
-What is the best advice you got this year?
-What is an achievement you are most proud of from this year?

There are so many more I'm sure. I'd love to hear what questions you ask your kids. My kids are  older, but these could easily apply to young kids.

What are questions you like to ask your kids?

Christmas Spirit

I've kind of felt like I lost my Christmas spirit lately. Our shopping is done. Our house is decorated. Neighbor gifts are delivered. Holiday movies, music and books abound. And yet I have felt myself dreading Christmas. Wishing it were over already. The discouragement and negativity have been disheartening. 

Yesterday was Christmas Sunday. We got dressed and ready for church. The baby pooped when I put him in his carseat. Pulled him out changed him. He pooped again as I put him back in his seat. We headed to church with poopy baby and only 5 minutes until church started. Church was only an hour. I headed straight for the bathroom with diaper, wipes and baby in hand. We walked in during the opening hymn. The meeting was filled with music from the primary choir as well as the ward choir. The Relief Society president and her husband were the speakers. 

She spoke about light. How we seek light in our lives. We need light to help us be productive. (Ever tried to get ready in the dark?) Plants need light to grow. We need light to help us be happy. Hurray for vitamin D! We need the light of Christ for those same things. He is the light that brings productivity, growth and happiness. He is the light that brings hope and peace. Comfort and guidance. He is the light. 

I was especially interested in what her husband would have to say. He’s an obstetrician and I figured he would talk about the birth of Christ. More than an obstetrician, he is my obstetrician. He delivered my baby. He started out with a fictional woman Sarah, pregnant with her first baby. In labor 18 hours, pushing for 2. Everyone anxiously awaiting the arrival of the new little spirit she was carrying. He asked her if this is the hardest thing she’s ever done. She responds with an emphatic yes! And then the veil thins and a new spirit enters the world. He talked about the mothers emotions, worried, nervous, then excited, relieved, and then filled with so much joy as tears spill down her cheeks and she meets her baby for the first time. Texts are sent out, Facebook and Instagram posts are made and maybe an actual phone call is placed as we spread the word of the new arrival.

 

I of course stood by the door bouncing my fussy baby, crying as he basically told the story of my labor and delivery. He then paralleled that with the birth of the baby Jesus. His mother tired and oh so pregnant. Joseph searching for some clean straw as he worked to keep the animals back. Mary laboring in a stable, nervous and worried. Excited and filled with joy and relief at the arrival. How would it be to know your baby would grow up to save mankind? I hope my baby grows up and doesn’t flip burgers for a living. 

How would it be to feel the burden of being the mother of the Savior of the world? I feel the burden of being the mother of an average little boy. I have never felt more connected and in awe of Mary as I do this year. As I think of my own emotions preparing to bring a little life into the world and imagining how she felt. 

There were no texts going out. No Facebook posts declaring his birth. No groups of relatives arriving at the hospital with well wishes. A simple star in the heavens. A few humble shepherds. And later the wisemen. It was a humble and simple beginning for a baby who would change the world. 

I am so grateful for Mary. For her courage, her goodness, her faith. I'm grateful for her gift to the world. For her little son he grew up to be my savior. 

I hope we can keep the focus and true spirit of Christmas as we are bombarded with the worldly. Pulled in every direction. Distracted from every side. Let us resolve to turn our focus to Him who brings light. To Him who is light. At Christmas and all through the year.