You knew what you were getting into

Anyone who has ever heard "you knew what you were getting into" can probably attest that in most cases, that is not even close to being true. I think it's safe to say that no one ever truly knows what they are getting into. They might have a pretty good idea, but there are just so many variables in life that we can't ever really know how things are going to go.
I have felt that way getting married and becoming a stepmom. When it's hard and I feel like I'm drowning, most people in my life don't understand. No one has actually said those words, but what they have said has implied that that is indeed what they are thinking. "Why are you having such a hard time, it's not like you didn't know it was going to be this way?" "But that's pretty typical right?"
I'm sure I'm reading into things more than they are actually present. I think a lot of people are good about giving me grace. Realizing that I will figure it out and what I'm saying may have not been well thought out. I appreciate those people. I am figuring it out. Where my sisters in law have had 13+ years to ease into dealing with teenagers, I was thrown into the arena. While they have a mothers love for their children and love them in spite of their awfulness, I have kids who are someone else's' kids and while I love them, it is not a mothers love. Kuddos to the stepmom who truly is able to love a stepchild with a mothers' love. You are lucky.
No one prepared me for that. I had no idea it would be this way.
My friend who has 4 girls and is dealing with a very emotional house of hormones, with one being especially troublesome, would surely not agree with anyone who said, you knew what you were getting into when you decided to have kids.
You don't know if your third kid is going to have a disability. You don't know if your 2nd child is going to have a traumatic brain injury, or get cancer, or have some degree of mental illness. You don't know those things when you decide to have a family. You literally have no idea what you are getting into. And you wouldn't think of saying that to someone. At least I hope you wouldn't. So why do we say that to step-parents? We have no way of knowing that in a year the ex-wife is going to decide to move thousands of miles away. We have no way of knowing when the ex is going to let her crazy shine bright. We have no way of knowing that the teenager is going to end up hating us, just because. Just like a traditional family, there are so many things that could happen, so many things that can change in an instant. Why do we expect them to have a better handle on it, just because they knew there were kids involved to begin with?
I truly appreciate those people who don't pretend to understand, but who listen. Who sympathize. Who try to imagine what it might be like. I'd say the best example is my mom. I have only felt supported and loved by her. She is always, ALWAYS on my side. Even when I know I'm being ridiculous. She validates my feelings. She shares her experiences that might be applicable. She encourages me to keep trying, to look at it in the big picture, to think about other points of view.
So I say to you, it's okay you didn't know what you were getting into. Most people, in most situations, don't have a clue what's coming. They don't know how hard it will be. They don't know how they will react. We are all just doing the best we can, with what we've been given.

8 non-religious spiritual goals

We are in a weird place with our kids. They live with their non religious mom and anti religious step father. We are pretty religious people in our home. We are trying very hard not to push religion on them, since they've expressed they don't have an interest in it (12 and 15, not really surprising). We go to church every Sunday and I think they've resigned themselves to going, since they are rarely here so it's "not that bad" for one Sunday every so often.

Whether you're religious or not, your spiritual health is still very important. Here are 8 ideas for how to care for your spirit without religion. I think your spiritual health is directly linked to your mental health. Heaven knows mental illness is on the rise. While I don't think these will cure any illness you may or may not have, I do believe they will help you be happier and avoid some of the things that can contribute to declined mental health.

1. Write in your journal
2. Read or listen to uplifting literature
• Chicken soup for the soul
• TED talks
• Self help book or podcast (7 habits of highly effective teens)
3. Meditate
4. Learn a new coping skill and put it into practice
5. Put your phone in airplane mode every night at 10pm
6. Start a gratitude journal
7. Stay off social media one day a week
8. Make your bed every day (this is why you should)

Advent for all ages

Who grew up with some kind of advent calendar? Maybe it was something as simple as a little bear moving through little pockets of a house with the date on them. Or something like this Grinch advent I made for my sister a couple years ago.

Maybe the "elves" visited and left a gift every day. How about the ones where you punch out the door and there's a chocolate behind it? Lot's of people do the 12 days of Christmas whether for their own family or as a service to another family. An advent calendar is a great way to create memories and connect with your kids.
As a new mom and a teacher, I'm starting this year with a family tradition of a reading advent calendar. You wrap 24 Christmas books and every day you get to unwrap one and read it together.
I hadn't really thought of any type of advent calendar to do with my bonus kids since they live so far away and will only be here for a week around Christmas.
A few days ago, their mom invited us to join them for her version of the 12 days of Christmas. It's a social media 25 days of Christmas. She has a calendar and each day you take a picture to represent what's on the calendar and tag each other in the post. For example, one day says "all that glitters". Each person would find something to take a picture of that goes with "all that glitters". It wouldn't be too difficult to come up with your own calendar. If you are religious, throw in a few more that focus on Christ. If religion isn't so much your thing, Christmas songs seem to be a good place to look for ideas.  I'll have a blue Christmas, Here Comes Santa Clause, Have a Holly Jolly Christmas, etc. She also put in a few that you could turn into an activity together like "C is for Christmas cookie". That would make for a great opportunity to make Christmas cookies together. If you are looking for a more service or Christ centered advent calendar I would recommend lighttheworld.org You can download a free calendar with Christ centered service ideas for the whole month. Three others that I really like are The Little Lamb from Bethlehem similar to Elf of the Shelf but more Christ centered with a little lamb you can move around, this 25 days of Christmas ornament set and this service centered manger.
Back to the social media 25 days of Christmas, I really love this idea because it allows my husband and I to participate even though we live so far away. I really appreciate that she thought to invite us to have this opportunity for a little more connection. You can follow along with our Instagram 25 days of Christmas here.