Summer

I've been obsessing a bit about next summer. I just want it to be successful. I want to create memories. I want them to enjoy their time with us. I want the kids to WANT to come back. I want them to feel loved. I want them to do more than sit on screens ALL SUMMER LONG.
So I've been brainstorming and polling and pinning like a crazy person. I love the new youth program from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I think it's so important for people to take ownership of their development. Especially in the critical teenage years.
I've been working on a summer routine/plan to get the kids off screens and trying new things. I've gone back and forth on how to implement it. Do I work in an allowance, do they just get an allowance and this is extra, no allowance and they earn everything, etc. Still ironing out those details. I'll have to talk with Bryan on that.
I'm going to ask the kids for ideas they have, give them my list and see what interests them and make sure I have the supplies. I think I'll ask my nieces and nephews as well. If they are interested in something the kids aren't, the cousins might be able to spark an interest in at least trying something else.
I've got their must do list for every day

1. make your bed
2. clean your room
3. read 20 minutes
4. do your assigned chore (still don't know what those will be)
5. work in the garden x number of minutes

That's it. Those are the things they need to do every day. When those are done, they will get 2 hours of screen time. After that, I'm still working on how more time will be added. I'm sure there will be a lot of revisions. Especially when things actually get started and I see what ACTUALLY works. There could be a lot of weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth. Lots of wifi password changing. But I'm willing to do it, if it means there are actual memories made and there aren't video games going 24/7.

The categories for them to choose from go with the youth program spiritual, physical, intellectual and social. They will not be required to do any of them. If all they do are the physical tasks, that's fine. If all they do is social, that's fine. I won't force them to do any of it. If they choose to sit and stare at the wall because they don't want to do any of the choices or make up their own, that's their choice. Hopefully they will find a new hobby or two and move more than their thumbs. 

Anxiety

I don't know that it's really anxiety I feel. Worry could be a better word. Worry that I won't measure up. Measure up to what? I'm not exactly sure. Will I ever be seen as more than dad's wife? Will they want to come and visit, when it's their own choice and not a choice made for them? Will they come because they feel loved and comfortable? Will they NOT come because they feel awkward and bored around me?
I realize it's a lot of pressure to put on myself. Like most, there isn't a whole lot I can do. Circumstances, unfortunately, play a much larger role than anything I do or do not do. But that doesn't stop the worry. Will they know how much we want them in our home? Will they see that the rules and the trips, the family home evenings and hours at church are because we love them and want what's best for them? All parents worry about these things I suppose so maybe I'm right where I need to be.

Wicked step-mother

A lot of people think of fairytales when they hear stepmother. I know I always did. Cinderella had a wicked or evil stepmother as did Snow White. Who wants that? My own step-son has a friend who has an "evil step-mom". You know, the one who grounds him and won't let him play video games. Who knows how "evil" she actually is, the word of a couple 11 year olds is hardly reliable.
While I'm sure there are some wicked or evil stepmothers out there (sadly, I know of at least one for sure), I think the really wonderful ones far outnumber the not so great ones. At least I hope so. I hope  stepmoms love their stepkids and want the very best for them. They want to help them be successful in life, love themselves and their families.
That being said, stepmom still has a somewhat negative connotation. I think I prefer bonus mom. You have a bonus person in your life who loves you and wants the very best for you. They want you to succeed and become a great person. A bonus person cheering you on. A bonus person you can turn to and rely on.

With that, I've started trying to think of my stepkids and bonus kids. Two people in my life that I get to love. I get to cheer for them, worry about them, pray for them, hope they turn out to be great people. I feel like I do all of those things, but unfortunately I don't really feel like they look at me as a bonus mom. It's hard. I don't really blame them. It's situational. I think I'm seen as more of "dad's wife". I may never get to be "bonus mom".
I know some families don't use step or bonus. I'm happy for those families. They have blended at made it work and while I'm sure they have their trials (what family doesn't?). They have those relationships that have developed to that of parent/child. The kids just call you mom. That won't happen for me. Maybe I'm being pessimistic, but I feel like I'm being realistic. My bonus kids were 11 and 13 when their dad and I got married. They live with their mom full time. Every other weekend and a few hours during the week doesn't lend to strong bonding time. Especially since I was pregnant and sick for a lot of the time. Then they moved to Washington with their mom. Now our bonding time will be two months in the summer, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Spring Break. My odds just aren't looking very promising. And I'm working on being okay with that. Some days are better than others.
I've already started thinking about next summer. I want to be prepared. I want it to be successful in memory making and bonding opportunities. I realize they are teenagers and more likely than not things won't work out how I would like. But that doesn't mean I'm not still going to try. I want them to know that we want them here. We want them to visit and to feel at home. I want them to know we love them. We want to spend time with them. We want to help them become productive members of society. People who will be able to leave home and be successful. Feed themselves, budget, get a job, etc. Hopefully their mom is doing the same and together we can help them on this journey of life.
Hopefully they will come to see me as their friend (because woohoo! I can be their friend first, since I don't have to be their parent first) and someone they can trust. I hope they can feel and know my love for them. Hopefully they come to think of me as a bonus mom and not just dad's wife, but if not, it won't be for my lack of trying.