Wicked step-mother

A lot of people think of fairytales when they hear stepmother. I know I always did. Cinderella had a wicked or evil stepmother as did Snow White. Who wants that? My own step-son has a friend who has an "evil step-mom". You know, the one who grounds him and won't let him play video games. Who knows how "evil" she actually is, the word of a couple 11 year olds is hardly reliable.
While I'm sure there are some wicked or evil stepmothers out there (sadly, I know of at least one for sure), I think the really wonderful ones far outnumber the not so great ones. At least I hope so. I hope  stepmoms love their stepkids and want the very best for them. They want to help them be successful in life, love themselves and their families.
That being said, stepmom still has a somewhat negative connotation. I think I prefer bonus mom. You have a bonus person in your life who loves you and wants the very best for you. They want you to succeed and become a great person. A bonus person cheering you on. A bonus person you can turn to and rely on.

With that, I've started trying to think of my stepkids and bonus kids. Two people in my life that I get to love. I get to cheer for them, worry about them, pray for them, hope they turn out to be great people. I feel like I do all of those things, but unfortunately I don't really feel like they look at me as a bonus mom. It's hard. I don't really blame them. It's situational. I think I'm seen as more of "dad's wife". I may never get to be "bonus mom".
I know some families don't use step or bonus. I'm happy for those families. They have blended at made it work and while I'm sure they have their trials (what family doesn't?). They have those relationships that have developed to that of parent/child. The kids just call you mom. That won't happen for me. Maybe I'm being pessimistic, but I feel like I'm being realistic. My bonus kids were 11 and 13 when their dad and I got married. They live with their mom full time. Every other weekend and a few hours during the week doesn't lend to strong bonding time. Especially since I was pregnant and sick for a lot of the time. Then they moved to Washington with their mom. Now our bonding time will be two months in the summer, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Spring Break. My odds just aren't looking very promising. And I'm working on being okay with that. Some days are better than others.
I've already started thinking about next summer. I want to be prepared. I want it to be successful in memory making and bonding opportunities. I realize they are teenagers and more likely than not things won't work out how I would like. But that doesn't mean I'm not still going to try. I want them to know that we want them here. We want them to visit and to feel at home. I want them to know we love them. We want to spend time with them. We want to help them become productive members of society. People who will be able to leave home and be successful. Feed themselves, budget, get a job, etc. Hopefully their mom is doing the same and together we can help them on this journey of life.
Hopefully they will come to see me as their friend (because woohoo! I can be their friend first, since I don't have to be their parent first) and someone they can trust. I hope they can feel and know my love for them. Hopefully they come to think of me as a bonus mom and not just dad's wife, but if not, it won't be for my lack of trying.