Advent for all ages

Who grew up with some kind of advent calendar? Maybe it was something as simple as a little bear moving through little pockets of a house with the date on them. Or something like this Grinch advent I made for my sister a couple years ago.

Maybe the "elves" visited and left a gift every day. How about the ones where you punch out the door and there's a chocolate behind it? Lot's of people do the 12 days of Christmas whether for their own family or as a service to another family. An advent calendar is a great way to create memories and connect with your kids.
As a new mom and a teacher, I'm starting this year with a family tradition of a reading advent calendar. You wrap 24 Christmas books and every day you get to unwrap one and read it together.
I hadn't really thought of any type of advent calendar to do with my bonus kids since they live so far away and will only be here for a week around Christmas.
A few days ago, their mom invited us to join them for her version of the 12 days of Christmas. It's a social media 25 days of Christmas. She has a calendar and each day you take a picture to represent what's on the calendar and tag each other in the post. For example, one day says "all that glitters". Each person would find something to take a picture of that goes with "all that glitters". It wouldn't be too difficult to come up with your own calendar. If you are religious, throw in a few more that focus on Christ. If religion isn't so much your thing, Christmas songs seem to be a good place to look for ideas.  I'll have a blue Christmas, Here Comes Santa Clause, Have a Holly Jolly Christmas, etc. She also put in a few that you could turn into an activity together like "C is for Christmas cookie". That would make for a great opportunity to make Christmas cookies together. If you are looking for a more service or Christ centered advent calendar I would recommend lighttheworld.org You can download a free calendar with Christ centered service ideas for the whole month. Three others that I really like are The Little Lamb from Bethlehem similar to Elf of the Shelf but more Christ centered with a little lamb you can move around, this 25 days of Christmas ornament set and this service centered manger.
Back to the social media 25 days of Christmas, I really love this idea because it allows my husband and I to participate even though we live so far away. I really appreciate that she thought to invite us to have this opportunity for a little more connection. You can follow along with our Instagram 25 days of Christmas here.

Reaching out

This past week as I've been thinking of connection and small ways I can reach out I texted a few people and sent a card in the mail. I try to send a card to someone once a month so that was nothing new, but out of those four small things I got four things in return!!
First, I text my friend who literally lives one mile away ONE MILE that I haven't seen in almost a year and a half. I just said he I've been thinking of you and wondered if I could come by and visit sometime. Pretty straightforward. She replied and said YES! How about this time? We went back and forth a bit to find a time that worked for both of us and set up a date. Easy!
Second, I text my friend who was my teacher in high school. I sent her a picture of my baby and said I'm thankful for you and the influence you were on me as a teenager. She messaged me back and thanked me for the text. Win!
Third, I scrolled through my contacts and messaged a friend who went on my senior trip with me and we talk every once in a while. We chatted back and forth and it was just so nice. Then a couple days later she text to see if I wanted to go to lunch! I was so excited!
Fourth, the card I send every month. I sent it to my dear friend who was my coworker who now lives in Indiana. She has some health problems and I just wanted to send some encouragement and let her know I was thinking about her. Yesterday she text me to thank me and asked if I'd be in town over Christmas because she's going to be here and we should meet up. Hurray!!
Out of those 4 small acts I helped 4 people feel a little more connected and helped myself in the process. It would have been perfectly okay if they hadn't led to face to face meet ups. Our lives are BUSY and that doesn't always work, but for me right now it does. For my teacher, it was just good to touch bases and show a little gratitude. For my friend down the street we got to meet up and talk and really be together and be in the moment and catch up. Small acts of reaching out and bring back great rewards.

Connection

This past week I've really come to see how much I need connection in my life. I've been feeling it for months, but wasn't able to put words to the feelings. I couldn't identify what I really needed. As I struggled with self doubt and feeling loneliness and really feel a sense of loss, it finally clicked. I need more connection in my life. I need to feel like I am lifting people around me and I need to feel them lifting me. I substituted at my old school last Friday and I really felt that loss. The loss of connection I had from my job. Cheering on my friends in their successes in their classrooms and having them do the same for me. Sitting at lunch and talking about our families or our students and really just feeling connected.
I thought this obsession with next summer with the kids was about screen time. I didn't want the kids to spend all summer on screens. Especially since we will be in our new house and they won't  be close to their friends they had when they lived here. I wanted to have options for them to not be bored, but not be on screens. But as I've pondered on my anxiety and what I really want from this blog, it's connection.
Of course I don't want the kids on screens all summer. Every other news post is about how screens are hurting our kids, but it wasn't just that. When I was really honest with myself, what I really want is a connection with my bonus kids. I want memories with them. I can't connect with them through video games. Even if I thought I could, I'm more of a Mario Kart girl, not a Fortnite or whatever similar type game they are playing. This list I've been working on is my attempt to find something where we can connect. Something where we can make memories.
Is it selfish of me to list things I'm interested in, instead of suffering through a round of Fortnite? I don't think so. I have come up with SO MANY ideas to choose from. Are all of them super appealing to me? No. But they are all things I'd be willing to try and I think it's so important for kids to be exposed to a wide variety of activities. Who knows what talents they will uncover!? Maybe they will find that they are actually really good at woodworking and they love it. Maybe they are naturally skilled at coding and all they needed was the opportunity to try.
Our brains are wired to seek out connection. Unfortunately many times we neglect that need or, because of circumstances, those needs just aren't met. Neuroscientist, Matthew Lieberman said, "We may not like the fact that we are wired such that our well-being depends on our connections with others, but the facts are the facts."

Our well-being DEPENDS on our connections. No wonder my well-being was on the fritz last week. If I can foster a little more connection in my family and other relationships and help you do the same, I will consider myself successful. Even if it's just one person making that one connection. The memories and connections we make help shape who we are and what we do in life. They bring us both joy and sadness. That connection brings us more than we could ever hope to buy or ever hope to find on a screen.

Breakthrough

This week has been rough. I have been anxious off and on all week. There have been a lot of tears. Last week we got a letter from the IRS telling us we owed them $56,000 dollars. 56 THOUSAND. That's a lot of money. We being the super rich people we are (insert sarcastic voice) don't just have 56,000 dollars chilling under the bed. *cue anxiety* I tried to pretend that everything would be fine. I didn't want to add to Bryan's stress and worry. I told him it would work out and everything would be okay, but inside I was running a ton of different scenarios through my head. I contacted my childhood friend whose husband is a CPA. I prayed, I searched the internet, I worried. Bryan met with his accountant Monday and it turns out they sent in everything and sometimes things just don't line up on their end. They are going to take care of everything and we owe the IRS nothing.

Unfortunately the anxiety didn't go away quite as quickly as the IRS problem. I've been agonizing over so many things. This blog being one of them. Another one being a big project I've been working on developing in my head. I am struggling to get things clear in my mind. I am desperate for connection. Like DESPERATE. I have had so much change in my life the last 18 months with a lot more in the immediate future. I wouldn't change where I am for anything, but I've lost a lot and I'm still processing it.
I went from the single life to married with 2 kids, to pregnant, to stay at home mom of a baby. Now we are moving. My bonus kids moved to Washington. I just haven't had much time to settle into any of my new things. The changes just keep coming.
I have recognized that some of the connection I wish would come is connection with Kylie and Ethan. I'll have to talk more about that in a different post.
At any rate all of this has been building and I just hit a breaking point this week. I would pray and try to get through it. Went running, but it just wasn't going away. I tried crying it out, but it was still there. I have just been FILLED with self doubt. Why would I try to do this big thing? It's not going to make a difference. No one cares what I have to say. It will just fail. These thoughts plagued me.  Bryan invited me to fast yesterday and I decided to take him up on his invitation even though I fasted last Sunday and I'm so glad I did.
As I sat in Sunday School listening to the comments, I got my answer. The answer to why I am feeling so much anxiety and self doubt. My breakthrough. I don't even remember what the teacher asked, but the comment that was made was exactly what I needed to hear. She said "I know God has something important for me to do when I feel Satan working hard on me. He fills me with self doubt and tries to discourage me. I know that I have to fight hard and do what God has called me to."
I had recognized it was Satan, but I hadn't been able to see WHY. These things I am trying to do. These projects I am working on ARE important. God has guided me to where I am and I need to move forward with confidence.
If you feel like you are being attacked, if you are filled with self doubt, if you are struggling, first of all know that you are not alone. Second reach out for support. It can be so hard to do. When you feel alone and anxious, and doubt yourself you don't want to burden others. That is Satan. He wants to isolate us. He wants us to think we are the only one who feels that way and that no one wants to hear our problems. That is simply not true. Reach out. Third (and maybe this should be first) turn to God. Talk with him and know that he has something amazing for you to accomplish. Something that will bless your life and the lives of others.
Fight hard and move forward with confidence. 

Life in reverse

As I've been working on ideas for activities and typing up posts and looking at resources, I've thought about what I want from this blog and where I see it going. I'd love to post about activities we do and how they went and what we liked or didn't like. I'd love to add to my lists. I would love for other people to benefit from these posts. This isn't about step families. This is about quality time with families. Any kind of family. It's about connection. I've also thought that I might not be able to be super consistent in my posting since my bonus kids aren't with us very much.
With that, I hope to get feedback from others. What worked for you? Did you like a particular idea I posted? What have you done in your family that was successful? What wasn't successful?
My other thought is that my life with children is kind of going in a couple directions. I jumped in to teenagers. My bonus kids were 11 and 13, so here I am trying to come up with ideas for teens, long before I'm trying to find activities to engage a toddler or young child. As my teens age into adulthood, I'm going to flip back down the ladder to little kids. That may shift my audience. Hopefully a lot of these activities can span the age gap in kids, but as my baby gets older, I know things will change.
Life rarely goes as you envision. But life takes you where you need to be. I wouldn't trade my husband, my two teens or my baby for anything. My baby will be blessed to have a brother and sister to look up to. They might not connect the way I connect with my sister who is 6 years younger than me, but they will have their own special relationship.
I look forward to seeing what God has in store for me and my family. Maybe this blog won't go anywhere or help anyone except my family. And that is okay. My first priority is to bless my family and if in doing that, I can bless others . . . well that will just be icing on the cake.

And I love cake.