Connecting Intentionally

I've been thinking about New Years resolutions or goals or whatever you want to call them. My friend picks a word for her year. This year she chose intentional. I really liked that. Mine has been connection for a few months and I want to carry it into the new year. But I want to connect intentionally. Not that I'm going to make it happen, but that I put for the effort. I won't have a connection every person I meet. That would be ridiculous. There are people in my life that I won't connect with. People who are actually close to me. It's okay. But there are people, that if I were more intentional, I could connect with.
One of my goals for the new year is learning to ask better questions. My husband always asks me a million questions about my conversations with my sister or my mom or my friend and for the most part I answer, "I don't know". Because I didn't ask. I didn't even think to ask. It's not because I was uninterested, I just really didn't think of it. And I want to change that.
I am moving to a new town this next year. A small town. Like really small. Less than 1000 people small. That's small even for me growing up in a small Idaho town. I worry about feeling connected. I won't be close to my friends or family. I am not one to be outgoing and meet people. I'm not one to initiate things. But I'm going to work really hard to be brave. To step outside my comfort zone. To look for those people who are also looking for a connection too.

I've been listening to a book about connection and in it he talks about how we won't connect with everyone we try to connect with, but it's better to try and fail than not to try at all. If you don't try, you don't have a connection. If you do try, you still might end up without a connect, but you also might find a connection that lifts your soul and fills your heart. And that is worth it.

Be Brave.

8 non-religious spiritual goals

We are in a weird place with our kids. They live with their non religious mom and anti religious step father. We are pretty religious people in our home. We are trying very hard not to push religion on them, since they've expressed they don't have an interest in it (12 and 15, not really surprising). We go to church every Sunday and I think they've resigned themselves to going, since they are rarely here so it's "not that bad" for one Sunday every so often.

Whether you're religious or not, your spiritual health is still very important. Here are 8 ideas for how to care for your spirit without religion. I think your spiritual health is directly linked to your mental health. Heaven knows mental illness is on the rise. While I don't think these will cure any illness you may or may not have, I do believe they will help you be happier and avoid some of the things that can contribute to declined mental health.

1. Write in your journal
2. Read or listen to uplifting literature
• Chicken soup for the soul
• TED talks
• Self help book or podcast (7 habits of highly effective teens)
3. Meditate
4. Learn a new coping skill and put it into practice
5. Put your phone in airplane mode every night at 10pm
6. Start a gratitude journal
7. Stay off social media one day a week
8. Make your bed every day (this is why you should)

Connecting in the car

We are taking the kids to see our new house Thursday. It's under construction and they haven't seen it yet since they live so far away. I was thinking of ways to connect (my constant thing now) and thought about questions that would be good in the car. I wanted to stay with positive things and avoid questions that could lead to hurt feelings (however unintentional that might be. No repeats of Thanksgiving). Car rides are a great place to talk and connect with your family (or friends). They can't escape! *insert maniacal laugh* I learned it from a book, it's less confrontational and they are more likely to open up because you aren't face to face. They are either next to you or behind you taking away some of the anxiety and helping them let their guard down. We'll see how well it goes.

Questions I've come up with
 - What was your favorite gift you GAVE this year and why? probably a Christmas gift, could be something else
-What's something you're looking forward to in 2020? remember this and ask about it later
-Who is someone you admire and why?
-Best thing you DID for someone else this year?
-What is something you learned to do this year?
-What is something you would like to learn in 2020? take notes on this one, use it
-When did you laugh the hardest this year?
-Where is your favorite place you visited this year?
-Where would you like to visit in 2020? This might be the same as what you're looking forward to in 2020, but it could be different. Worth asking.
-What is the best advice you got this year?
-What is an achievement you are most proud of from this year?

There are so many more I'm sure. I'd love to hear what questions you ask your kids. My kids are  older, but these could easily apply to young kids.

What are questions you like to ask your kids?

Christmas Spirit

I've kind of felt like I lost my Christmas spirit lately. Our shopping is done. Our house is decorated. Neighbor gifts are delivered. Holiday movies, music and books abound. And yet I have felt myself dreading Christmas. Wishing it were over already. The discouragement and negativity have been disheartening. 

Yesterday was Christmas Sunday. We got dressed and ready for church. The baby pooped when I put him in his carseat. Pulled him out changed him. He pooped again as I put him back in his seat. We headed to church with poopy baby and only 5 minutes until church started. Church was only an hour. I headed straight for the bathroom with diaper, wipes and baby in hand. We walked in during the opening hymn. The meeting was filled with music from the primary choir as well as the ward choir. The Relief Society president and her husband were the speakers. 

She spoke about light. How we seek light in our lives. We need light to help us be productive. (Ever tried to get ready in the dark?) Plants need light to grow. We need light to help us be happy. Hurray for vitamin D! We need the light of Christ for those same things. He is the light that brings productivity, growth and happiness. He is the light that brings hope and peace. Comfort and guidance. He is the light. 

I was especially interested in what her husband would have to say. He’s an obstetrician and I figured he would talk about the birth of Christ. More than an obstetrician, he is my obstetrician. He delivered my baby. He started out with a fictional woman Sarah, pregnant with her first baby. In labor 18 hours, pushing for 2. Everyone anxiously awaiting the arrival of the new little spirit she was carrying. He asked her if this is the hardest thing she’s ever done. She responds with an emphatic yes! And then the veil thins and a new spirit enters the world. He talked about the mothers emotions, worried, nervous, then excited, relieved, and then filled with so much joy as tears spill down her cheeks and she meets her baby for the first time. Texts are sent out, Facebook and Instagram posts are made and maybe an actual phone call is placed as we spread the word of the new arrival.

 

I of course stood by the door bouncing my fussy baby, crying as he basically told the story of my labor and delivery. He then paralleled that with the birth of the baby Jesus. His mother tired and oh so pregnant. Joseph searching for some clean straw as he worked to keep the animals back. Mary laboring in a stable, nervous and worried. Excited and filled with joy and relief at the arrival. How would it be to know your baby would grow up to save mankind? I hope my baby grows up and doesn’t flip burgers for a living. 

How would it be to feel the burden of being the mother of the Savior of the world? I feel the burden of being the mother of an average little boy. I have never felt more connected and in awe of Mary as I do this year. As I think of my own emotions preparing to bring a little life into the world and imagining how she felt. 

There were no texts going out. No Facebook posts declaring his birth. No groups of relatives arriving at the hospital with well wishes. A simple star in the heavens. A few humble shepherds. And later the wisemen. It was a humble and simple beginning for a baby who would change the world. 

I am so grateful for Mary. For her courage, her goodness, her faith. I'm grateful for her gift to the world. For her little son he grew up to be my savior. 

I hope we can keep the focus and true spirit of Christmas as we are bombarded with the worldly. Pulled in every direction. Distracted from every side. Let us resolve to turn our focus to Him who brings light. To Him who is light. At Christmas and all through the year. 

Advent for all ages

Who grew up with some kind of advent calendar? Maybe it was something as simple as a little bear moving through little pockets of a house with the date on them. Or something like this Grinch advent I made for my sister a couple years ago.

Maybe the "elves" visited and left a gift every day. How about the ones where you punch out the door and there's a chocolate behind it? Lot's of people do the 12 days of Christmas whether for their own family or as a service to another family. An advent calendar is a great way to create memories and connect with your kids.
As a new mom and a teacher, I'm starting this year with a family tradition of a reading advent calendar. You wrap 24 Christmas books and every day you get to unwrap one and read it together.
I hadn't really thought of any type of advent calendar to do with my bonus kids since they live so far away and will only be here for a week around Christmas.
A few days ago, their mom invited us to join them for her version of the 12 days of Christmas. It's a social media 25 days of Christmas. She has a calendar and each day you take a picture to represent what's on the calendar and tag each other in the post. For example, one day says "all that glitters". Each person would find something to take a picture of that goes with "all that glitters". It wouldn't be too difficult to come up with your own calendar. If you are religious, throw in a few more that focus on Christ. If religion isn't so much your thing, Christmas songs seem to be a good place to look for ideas.  I'll have a blue Christmas, Here Comes Santa Clause, Have a Holly Jolly Christmas, etc. She also put in a few that you could turn into an activity together like "C is for Christmas cookie". That would make for a great opportunity to make Christmas cookies together. If you are looking for a more service or Christ centered advent calendar I would recommend lighttheworld.org You can download a free calendar with Christ centered service ideas for the whole month. Three others that I really like are The Little Lamb from Bethlehem similar to Elf of the Shelf but more Christ centered with a little lamb you can move around, this 25 days of Christmas ornament set and this service centered manger.
Back to the social media 25 days of Christmas, I really love this idea because it allows my husband and I to participate even though we live so far away. I really appreciate that she thought to invite us to have this opportunity for a little more connection. You can follow along with our Instagram 25 days of Christmas here.

Reaching out

This past week as I've been thinking of connection and small ways I can reach out I texted a few people and sent a card in the mail. I try to send a card to someone once a month so that was nothing new, but out of those four small things I got four things in return!!
First, I text my friend who literally lives one mile away ONE MILE that I haven't seen in almost a year and a half. I just said he I've been thinking of you and wondered if I could come by and visit sometime. Pretty straightforward. She replied and said YES! How about this time? We went back and forth a bit to find a time that worked for both of us and set up a date. Easy!
Second, I text my friend who was my teacher in high school. I sent her a picture of my baby and said I'm thankful for you and the influence you were on me as a teenager. She messaged me back and thanked me for the text. Win!
Third, I scrolled through my contacts and messaged a friend who went on my senior trip with me and we talk every once in a while. We chatted back and forth and it was just so nice. Then a couple days later she text to see if I wanted to go to lunch! I was so excited!
Fourth, the card I send every month. I sent it to my dear friend who was my coworker who now lives in Indiana. She has some health problems and I just wanted to send some encouragement and let her know I was thinking about her. Yesterday she text me to thank me and asked if I'd be in town over Christmas because she's going to be here and we should meet up. Hurray!!
Out of those 4 small acts I helped 4 people feel a little more connected and helped myself in the process. It would have been perfectly okay if they hadn't led to face to face meet ups. Our lives are BUSY and that doesn't always work, but for me right now it does. For my teacher, it was just good to touch bases and show a little gratitude. For my friend down the street we got to meet up and talk and really be together and be in the moment and catch up. Small acts of reaching out and bring back great rewards.

Connection

This past week I've really come to see how much I need connection in my life. I've been feeling it for months, but wasn't able to put words to the feelings. I couldn't identify what I really needed. As I struggled with self doubt and feeling loneliness and really feel a sense of loss, it finally clicked. I need more connection in my life. I need to feel like I am lifting people around me and I need to feel them lifting me. I substituted at my old school last Friday and I really felt that loss. The loss of connection I had from my job. Cheering on my friends in their successes in their classrooms and having them do the same for me. Sitting at lunch and talking about our families or our students and really just feeling connected.
I thought this obsession with next summer with the kids was about screen time. I didn't want the kids to spend all summer on screens. Especially since we will be in our new house and they won't  be close to their friends they had when they lived here. I wanted to have options for them to not be bored, but not be on screens. But as I've pondered on my anxiety and what I really want from this blog, it's connection.
Of course I don't want the kids on screens all summer. Every other news post is about how screens are hurting our kids, but it wasn't just that. When I was really honest with myself, what I really want is a connection with my bonus kids. I want memories with them. I can't connect with them through video games. Even if I thought I could, I'm more of a Mario Kart girl, not a Fortnite or whatever similar type game they are playing. This list I've been working on is my attempt to find something where we can connect. Something where we can make memories.
Is it selfish of me to list things I'm interested in, instead of suffering through a round of Fortnite? I don't think so. I have come up with SO MANY ideas to choose from. Are all of them super appealing to me? No. But they are all things I'd be willing to try and I think it's so important for kids to be exposed to a wide variety of activities. Who knows what talents they will uncover!? Maybe they will find that they are actually really good at woodworking and they love it. Maybe they are naturally skilled at coding and all they needed was the opportunity to try.
Our brains are wired to seek out connection. Unfortunately many times we neglect that need or, because of circumstances, those needs just aren't met. Neuroscientist, Matthew Lieberman said, "We may not like the fact that we are wired such that our well-being depends on our connections with others, but the facts are the facts."

Our well-being DEPENDS on our connections. No wonder my well-being was on the fritz last week. If I can foster a little more connection in my family and other relationships and help you do the same, I will consider myself successful. Even if it's just one person making that one connection. The memories and connections we make help shape who we are and what we do in life. They bring us both joy and sadness. That connection brings us more than we could ever hope to buy or ever hope to find on a screen.